for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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