a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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