Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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