ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
