are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
