"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
