are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
