There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
