Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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