My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
