i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
