So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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