I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
