He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Randomize
