Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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