she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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