Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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