i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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