New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
