Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
