I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
