The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
