the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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