do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
