Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
