I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
What drink are we having for lunch?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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