Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
