You work out of a Hotel?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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