Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
