So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I will pee on everything he values.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
