Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
