clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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