The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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