We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
