Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I intend to get homeless drunk
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
