my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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