yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
