chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
