Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
