I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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