u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
