kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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