You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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