Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
