I must be too annoying 4 u.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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