i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
