i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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