the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
