I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
