dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
