be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
