If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
