Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
