You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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