I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
