I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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